things never change

i cant believe im actually doing this. blogging again. holy shit the last time i did this was in 2007 but i guess some things never do change.

nights like these are ones in which i can just think and wonder what the hell happened, or didnt. but mostly its a reminder of something that i found out at the end of last year.

fuck. 
this. 
shit. 


I miss this school being my number 1 choice you know, a school that i wanted to be apart of. i miss the fun i had at the start and how i didnt have to care abt wat ppl said or what they thought or ppl hating me. where i could just hang out with my friends not having to be beaten up or hated by people who dont even know me. from people who dont even know me. tts the thing i dont get it.

but i guess i kinda knew from the start that it was probably just gonna be a honeymoon period and that the school and my placing it on a pedestal  was gonna come crashing down.
 and boy has it.

gossip. lies. hatred. sincerity. patron saint of liars and fakers

seen it all since the start of last year. but i guess i changed too. i wasnt me at the start of last year. im not an extrovert going around saying hi and being friendly. i find it hard to make friends, just like in sec sch, but when i do i dont let them go. i guess that was one of the main problem of last year was making friends or getting close to people before i knew them, smth which i avoided in sec sch. and that led to so many goddamn problems that have dragged on into this year. and its so frustrating cos i just want to not give a shit. but its like a dark spectre looming over me everytime im in school now.

'bigger boys and stolen sweethearts'

they say the pen is mightier than the sword but it seems these days brawn trumps brains. and people will start to wonder what happens if things start to get screwed up.

i dont even know anymore but thats not to say its been all bad. ive met a few ppl who i hope ill stay close with for a long time like my bros in class holla yo but this isnt a post the positives but about the soul crushing negatives.

catharsis. 

i dont regret coming to ac but the more i stay here the more i feel unwelcome and the more i long for the day when i get to leave this school, prob with no legacy or having made any impact. which is probably for the best cos i may never want to be associated with life here, all the cool kids, party animals, rich badasses. im prob just not cool enough to make it work in a cool school.

but fuck it ive got friends ive got music and ive still got my whole life ahead of me. and thats all i ever really need i guess.


Cause you won't take my calls
and that makes God the only one who's left here listening to me

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 4:42 AM