Friday, June 15, 2012
Friendship of the year


This is a long time coming. Maybe a month or so and now I’ve finally got the time and the required amount of pissed-offness to write this all. But first……


Fuck you

That will be the first and hopefully last time I swear in this post. Writing this will hopefully not be about ranting or venting out my anger or any of that but for catharsis. For me to finally let go, something I’ve been wanting to do for so long but goddammit you still want to hold on.


And I dont know why. Why the hell you want to still be my ‘friend’ eventhough I so desperately want you out of my life. My life was fine before meeting you, it was still fine when I knew you, and it will be fine when we both go our seperate ways. So why, why do you still hold on to me?

Is it because you can tell me things you cant tel your supposed boyfriend? Well then, why the hell not? Why cant you tell him the things you tell me? So what, a boyfriend is just some tool for you to use to pleasure yourself but when there are problems and you need to bitch about something, whoopdeedoo here I am for you to use. But you know what, im fine with that. I guess there are some things you just want to keep from one another. I still remember the first night when we became good friends, you told me “i say different things to you then i say to him” why? Why keep up so many goddamn facades why wont you just be truthful to everyone instead of continuously faking everything.

Nice guys finish last. People like you are the reasons nice guys are disappearing. You turned down a perfectly good, nice, smart guy who took so much goddamn courage to as you out. And all this are your own words describing him. But you rejected him for god knows what stupid reason. And I dont even know the guy and I feel for him. But i still see you talking to him and practically using the poor soul. What the hell is wrong with you?

You talk about trust like its something that means alot to you. Seriously, dont make me laugh. You want to give me a lesson on trust. Ask my closest friends how important I see trust as, my stand on promises. And you still want to question whether me or my friend are trustworthy enough. Newsflash, if you tell everyone everything, then its not a secret anymore. Telling me “What’s said at this table, stays ath this table”. Okay. Fine. I didnt tell anyone anything. Everything you told me, your crush on someone, your feelings you had for another, your family problems every single thing you told me. Guess who else I told.

No one.

Talk to me about trust. Seriously? Every thing that you do is in your own self interets. You care about no one else but yourslef. Then you talk about god and your religious beliefs. I may not be a saint, but compared to you and your friends I think im safely going to heaven.

You ask my friends why I wont talk to you. Well what ill tell you is that i dont want to damage your friendship with your best friend or put it under unnecessary tension. Yea, you know your best friend who complained to you that i was “fucking annoying” and “irritating” and “noisy”. I didnt even want to know that my friend told me. Did I say anything, kick up a huge fuss, complain to anyone, or did I keep my mouth shut and all this to myself? If i can keep from shooting off my mouth to random people about every little thing that bothers me, why the hell cant you? If I can take these insults with0ut bitching and moaning to people for their sympathy and their help, dont complain about me not being “nice” or “manly” enough.

And to think we used to be the closest of friends. We talked, we joked, we went out to study and all. We had heart to hearts, you asked me for help, advice and i tried to the best of my limited abilities. Did you forget about all of that?

Yeah i know i might have said the wrong things sometimes. And against my better judgement I apologised to you but I knew things would never be the same.

When I told you I never wanted to be friends with you ever again, i was serious. I dont know maybe its because im rarely serious but yeah i really meant that. And you asked me why I had to make you choose. Truth is, it was because there was only ever really one right choice between the two. And guess which one you made?

Now when I look back at us, bittersweet. I miss what we had but to be honest, your ‘love’ is like a bus. I may miss you, but more will come.

You question me and all that I had done for you. Talking about how me coming into your life was a blessing but now that i have left maybe god used me as a warning for you. Yea, me leaving was indeed a warning. Get your act straight. Im not perfect, but god knows im better then you. And eventough you might miss me, I dont. Im surrounded  by people I love and that love me and thats enough for me. I dont want to hang out with people like you just to be popular or high profile or cool. You can take all that and keep it, id rather hang out with good people, something I think you know nothing about.

You had 2 choices. And you chose the wrong one. The stupidly obvious wrong one. Thats what happened to us.

I miss us. But I hate you.

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 8:23 AM

And in the choir, i saw a sad messiah


Im too tired these days. I can’t believe what happened. And right now, nothing is going right and evertyhing is going so damn wrong. After OP on thursday, i can finally have time to sit down and think all this through


What the hell happened?

I have no idea what happened and how it ended up this way. All i know is that this wasn’t what i thought would happen.

Beginnings. The year started off so brightly, amazingly even. So what the fuck happened to it all?

There are a few things i regret having done this year but I can’t imagine living life any differently. You take the good with the bad and live your life with the cards you’ve been dealt with. But still…….

I have no idea why but over this last few weeks every ugly thing that has happened this whole year seems to be resurfacing frequently in my mind and I cant, as much as I try, get any of it out of my mind. So yeah, I cover up with smiles and jokes, laughing it all off. But when alls said and done, I’m left thinking about everything that has happened and questioning it all.

Was it worth the heart involved?
The obstacles, the chemicals

Friendships. This year seems to have tested my concept of friendship. I have no idea how to define friendship at all anymore. All the lying, the backstabbing, the fake brothers everywhere. None of this happened in secondary school. Maybe i was lucky i guess. I guess its best I found out about who someone really is and how now everyone hates him, but he doesn’t even know it.

I’d rather be surrounded by a small group of friends who I know I can trust fully and whom I love, then be “well-known’ surrounded by fake people who couldnt give a damn about you. And to be honest, im too tired to keep on fighting. But I dont want to give it up. 

There are these kids who have dreams.
There are these dreams that will grow.
Until they get so fucking big that they explode.
And what’s left in the smoke and the falling debris
Is grownups like them and losers like me.
  
I guess this whole year has kinda bummed me out. It started with so much promise but its ending as an unmitigated disaster.
Nothing movie like, nothing magic.
People just tired of fights, the constant battle

Trust. What the hell is trust nowadays? Secrets being given out for free, like nobodys’ goddamn business. No one seems to give a shit nowadays but how other people feels and will just go around telling anyone anything that they want to hear. FOR WHAT? To get closer to people who dont really care about you? It goes back to friendship and how we seem to be desecrating it these days.
I hope its just a passing thing, that by November all will be well and things will work out. But it only looks to be getting worse. But hey, chin up and we’ll drown a little slower right?

Right……

If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character…Would you slow down? Or speed up?

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 7:11 AM

found something

wait for it

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 7:10 AM


Thursday, May 10, 2012
the way i am


Wishing I was Kurt Cobain or Morrissey 
It takes up most of my time 

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 4:11 AM


Thursday, April 26, 2012
things never change

i cant believe im actually doing this. blogging again. holy shit the last time i did this was in 2007 but i guess some things never do change.

nights like these are ones in which i can just think and wonder what the hell happened, or didnt. but mostly its a reminder of something that i found out at the end of last year.

fuck. 
this. 
shit. 


I miss this school being my number 1 choice you know, a school that i wanted to be apart of. i miss the fun i had at the start and how i didnt have to care abt wat ppl said or what they thought or ppl hating me. where i could just hang out with my friends not having to be beaten up or hated by people who dont even know me. from people who dont even know me. tts the thing i dont get it.

but i guess i kinda knew from the start that it was probably just gonna be a honeymoon period and that the school and my placing it on a pedestal  was gonna come crashing down.
 and boy has it.

gossip. lies. hatred. sincerity. patron saint of liars and fakers

seen it all since the start of last year. but i guess i changed too. i wasnt me at the start of last year. im not an extrovert going around saying hi and being friendly. i find it hard to make friends, just like in sec sch, but when i do i dont let them go. i guess that was one of the main problem of last year was making friends or getting close to people before i knew them, smth which i avoided in sec sch. and that led to so many goddamn problems that have dragged on into this year. and its so frustrating cos i just want to not give a shit. but its like a dark spectre looming over me everytime im in school now.

'bigger boys and stolen sweethearts'

they say the pen is mightier than the sword but it seems these days brawn trumps brains. and people will start to wonder what happens if things start to get screwed up.

i dont even know anymore but thats not to say its been all bad. ive met a few ppl who i hope ill stay close with for a long time like my bros in class holla yo but this isnt a post the positives but about the soul crushing negatives.

catharsis. 

i dont regret coming to ac but the more i stay here the more i feel unwelcome and the more i long for the day when i get to leave this school, prob with no legacy or having made any impact. which is probably for the best cos i may never want to be associated with life here, all the cool kids, party animals, rich badasses. im prob just not cool enough to make it work in a cool school.

but fuck it ive got friends ive got music and ive still got my whole life ahead of me. and thats all i ever really need i guess.


Cause you won't take my calls
and that makes God the only one who's left here listening to me




Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 4:42 AM


Saturday, September 22, 2007
Exams Coming............... and I don't give a crap

Blogging again due to boredom. As you can see, next week is all about exams. And I don't care. I havent started studying. I havent done homework. Im being me dammit. So....

This Week
Cant remember anything. Yup. I think i remember Jeremy dropping Bryce's bottle from the 3rd floor. Damn Funny. Unfortunately, some idiot sec 3 took the bottle. He had to use an old bootle. Jeremy damn idiot. Anyway, i remember using recess to do a lot of work. Tuesday, there was a mass gathering during recess to do homework. Since i was fasting, I could afford to do that.

Hows Life
- Slacking
_ Sleeping
- Stuff
- Went out to buy a game.
- Found my 'The Bravery' CD

Coming Up
Exam. EOY. oooh, scary. This exams gonna be bulls**t. I think im gonna end up last in class. Oh well, who cares.

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 5:18 AM


Sunday, September 02, 2007
This Week Sucked

Yup. Look at the title. Yes, this week was bad. Let me recap. If i can bear to repeat the whole week.

The Start ( Act 1)
I pretty much fucked up TA3, if u go by class position. 10 to 17. Ouch. But, my aggregate only dropped by one mark. How about that. Whopde fucking doo. So my 3 best subjects (if i remember correctly) were Lit (no surprise), History (No surprise) and English (No surprise). Yup, just as expected. So other than that, Friday was a blur. If I can remember, I think i had CCA Training.

Friday

Damn. I couldnt go back to my old school. Why? My parents were like ' Its a waste of time'. Parents, I love u, but what the? U know how I spent my Friday morning when I could have spent it talking to old friends. Nothing, I just stared at the tv. I could have met friends( forgettable or otherwise), maybe say 'hi! hows life'. But no, thats a waste of time. Logical? Not so. At least after that I went to Harbourfront to meet my dad. We went to Vivocity but I was denied the chance of seeing Ratatouille. Damn(square).

Saturday
This day was so boring. Seriously. My parents friend from Malaysia came and I had to be at my aubts house for the whole day. I wasnt allowed to use the tv or computer. I had to sit there and stare into space. I had not charged my Psp as I didnt know I had to be there the whole day. Now thats a waste of time. Oh yeah, came back in time to watch Liverpool slaughter the Rams. Go liverpool.

Sunday
I forgot Sunday.

Hows Life (Act 2)
- Watching Baseball. Unfortunately, ESPN mostly shows Yankees games. Im not a big fan of the yankees. But Joba Chamberlain (a pitcher) can throw more than 100 mph. Thats fast.
- Go Liverpool. And Angels.
- I have decided to study two days before EOY. Thats big.
- History and Lit are easy to score.
- I will talk with some old school friends on MSN.
- Ratatouille!!!!
- Im still listening to music (Forcing people to listen to my type of music)
- Oh yeah, Thanks for the Memories

Coming up(Act 3)
Dunno what Im gonna do. Probably watch more baseball. Play a bit.Make notes for upcoming exam. Play soccer. Find a shop that sells baseball stuff or Angels stuff. Going to Shermans House. But thats only a maybe (My fathers thinking of saying no)


The End (Act 4)
Yup. Ill end here. Im pretty sad. But ill be happy again. I always will.

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 8:23 PM


Sunday, January 21, 2007
SMUSH!!!

So um, ive been listenin to some podcasts, mainly world of warcast.and um uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............look a ninja behind u.Carrying George Bush.......... RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 minute later: Damn why didnt i run? Anyway, i have joined ncc air. Bloody bastards forced me. But im takin it quite well. See, i havent launched a scathing attack yet.
So to allievate the boredom, lets have a comic.


Ah, brings a tear to my eye.
If u cant see, heres wat they are saying:
Fuzzy: U know what our taxi needs, Sam.EJECTION SEATS to get rid of irritating customers!
Sam:But Fuzzy, our car doesnt have a sun roof or a convertible top.
Fuzzy: So?
Sam: So if you fired the ejection seats, the customers wouldn't go anywhere.They'd just get crushed between the seat and the roof.
Fuzzy: What's your point?
Silence.......
Sam: Nevermind.
Fuzzy:SMUSH!!!And afterwards, we can store the goo in labeled jars.


Go to www.stoptazmo.com for comics including deathnote.

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 2:06 AM


Saturday, January 20, 2007
Im back and some other things......

lo people.Back again. After a long hiatus. So lets delve back in.

Games:
Gears of War. Last years game of the year. I mean cmon, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six:Vegas.GOTY?You got to be kidding. GOW was far and away the top game last year bar Okami. Sheer brilliance.
What to expect this year:
Bioshock and Mass Effect duke it out for game of the year. Than Alan Wake comes in. But in the first half of the year, I think it will be Crackdown. It looks good. I'll try to download the demo and give it my thoughts next time.

Reviews:
Lemmings System:PSP
Lemmings is an arcade puzzler that dates a long time ago. It is an arcade puzzler where there are lemmings just walking around in to obstacles and u have to help them to escape by assigning builders and other things.
There are a few new levels in this game, but the most of the levels are classics, which are seperated into Fun, Tricky, Taxing, Mayhem. There is also a level editor. I spent most of my time building a course that sent my lemmings to the death.
The first few puzzles are easy, but the ones in mayhem are really challenging.
Despite the non-inituitive control system, u should certainly give this game a try.
Gameplay:9
Graphics:8
Sound:7
Content:9
Overall:8.1



Sports: or better known as THings associated with Liverpool most of the time
LIVERPOOl 2 CHELSEA 0
Woohoo.That scoreline rox.LIverpool dominated Chelsea. The only sad thing is that Mourinho may leave Chelsea.Damn.
Kuyt scored the 1st goal in the 4h minute. In the 18th minute, Pennant doubled the lead.
Rating for the game:4 out of 5
Man of the match: Steven Gerrard.Nothing else to say.


Webcomics:
Sam And Fuzzy
Best webcomic.That is what Sam and Fuzzy is. True the noosehead arc maybe going on for too long but cmon, its sheer brilliance.Some of the best strips are like this one:

Priceless.

Question:
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
I think its the chicken.Its just like saying"Which came first, the embryo or the adult?" But you all may have a different reason. So please comment.Seriously.

Hi. I am your worst nightmare! was shot at 8:21 PM